What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
