Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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