can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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