I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize