Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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