we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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