dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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