There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
