I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
