I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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