singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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