He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
