She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
