i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
