then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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