i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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