It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
