Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
