the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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