How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
