Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
