the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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