I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
