cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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