I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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