it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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