btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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