Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have aggressive nipples.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
