Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
