we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
