and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
