Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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