i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was confusing and full of hummus
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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