i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
two words: eviction party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
