I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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