Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
