so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
please come you make the beer taste better
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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