Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
