new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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