you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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