i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
