Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
