I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
