dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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