He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
