dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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