I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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