woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
