I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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