i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
