I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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