i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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