Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
