I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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