it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
