I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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