so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
