were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
