He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
