she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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