8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
