so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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