So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
