they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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