hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
