Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
