Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
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