sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
