I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Acid is not a monday night drug
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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