why didn't you poke me back
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
