Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
