well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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