I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
